何谓winner?升职加薪当上CEO迎娶白富美？何谓loser? 平平淡淡每日操劳于苟且？我想这是大家和Z君要用一辈子去理解的事情。由于不同的教育背景以及成长经历，每个人的世界观和认知都是不同的。记得Z君刚回国的时候身边各种人问“哎呀，美国那么好你不待着回国干嘛啊”、“你在外面那么久回来还能适应嘛”种种问题。
Z君大学是金融专业，毕业之后已经拿到了几家公司的offer。其实在我出国前我真的没打算回国，但由于某些无法抗拒的个人原因选择了回来。关于身边人那些问题我内心都很清楚他们的潜台词是“在美国混不下去跑回来了吧”，每次我都会笑着回答“国内多好啊，好吃好玩机会又多”（这是事实），因为你真的没法也没有必要让任何人理解你。
What's it like to have attended an elite school and then be an utter failure afterward?（读了顶尖大学，之后又成为一个彻底的失败者，是什么样的感受？）
这个有意思的问题是Quora网站（美国的知乎，其实知乎就是copy他们家）一个人提出来的。有一位叫Marie Stein的回答者的答案让人眼前一亮。作为一所顶尖名校的毕业生，Marie是众多精英里一个默默无闻的角色。她经过了事业的挫折，从对不成功的痛苦中思考，认为成功的评价很容易让人陷入无休止的攀比之中。而在独特的人生经历中感恩、快乐才是更重要的事情。Z君觉得这对处于在不同学业、事业阶段的你们都会很有启迪所以转载过来。以下是中英文对照：
I'm a 1980's graduate of an elite institution (not Harvard). My class of approximately 1550 has generated a Nobel prize winner, a Pulitzer Prize winner, a World Bank chief, a few Ambassadors, at least 2 current Governors and 3 Mayors (maybe a senator?), university Presidents, several hedge fund managers (earning much in excess of $10mm/yr), college professors and administrators, an abundance of CEO's, novelists, journalists, scientists, physicians, entrepreneurs, world-class professional athletes (and scholars), policy-makers, elite military, artists and sculptors, filmmakers, ministers and gurus, non-profit founders and executives, chefs, lawyers, farmers, teachers, stay-at-home moms, and now, several early retirees.
我是一所顶尖大学（不是哈佛）上世纪80年代的毕业生。我们那一届毕业了约1550个人，其中产生了一位诺贝尔奖获得者，一个普利策奖获得者，一个世界银行总裁，几个大使，至少2个现任的州长及3位市长（或许是众议员），大学校长，几个对冲基金经理（每年收入超过1000万/年），大学教授和管理者，一群CEO，小说家，记者，科学家，医生，企业家，世界级职业运动员（和学者），政策制定者，军方高层，艺术家，雕塑家，电影人，部长，宗教领袖，非赢利机构创始人，职业经理人，厨师，律师，农民，教师，家庭主妇，现在，已经有些人退休了。
What a load of over-achievers!!
那么多事业有成的人！
How can any of the rest of us in that class, who are not celebrated/famous/in the public eye, courted by financial institutions, papparazzi, favored charities, luxury real estate agents and art auction houses, 1400 or more of us, look at ourselves, compare ourselves to our one-time peers' stupendous, fantastic, visible achievements, and not think we're failures? Isn't that what this question is really asking?
和我们曾经的伙伴们如今巨大的，令人惊叹的，走到哪儿都风光无限的成就相比，这些不是公众眼中的名人，我们剩下的大概1400多个人，这些没有被金融机构、狗仔队、慈善机构、豪华地产中介和艺术品拍卖行整天围着的人们，如何看待我们自己？
It's difficult to measure success, except from the inside. In my experience, few of us spend much time thinking about whether or not other people think we're successful in comparison to others; most of us are too busy trying to get by, doing and undoing the things we enjoy or can't bear or are satisfied or dissatisfied by, or curious about or feel we have to do, to worry much about that. We might compare our performance on an examination, or in getting market share, or in how easily we obtained grant funding; but to compare ourselves against others in the totality of success at being a man is, indeed odious and a futile exercise.
评价成功这个概念，很难，除非是以自己作为出发点。根据我自己的经验，我们很少有人会花时间想想别人是否认为我们已经算是成功了。我们中的大多数人，疲于应付我们喜欢和不喜欢做的事情，或者无法忍受，或者满意不满意，或者我们感觉我们必须做什么，或者整天担心。我们可能通过考试成绩、在工作上获得更多的市场份额，或者我们获得了研究经费等等来比较我们的表现；但是回归到一个人，全面的比较我们和与其他人作为一个人生活的成功与否，可能是一件很难的事。
A few years ago, I was between jobs in a career I didn't ever imagine myself in, terrified and lacking confidence or courage to take risks, and stuck. I visited a college friend I hadn't seen in 15 years; she was married with two children, a stay-at-home mom who had had a successful decade+ career as an attorney in a big city juvenile justice system who now lived in the suburbs. She has multiple sclerosis, and it's starting to be increasingly difficult for her to get by. My memory of her before that time was of a strong, independent, fiercely intelligent, beautiful, compassionate woman. She was still every inch that, and even moreso.
几年以前，我没有工作，处在一个我从来没有想到自己会从事的行业里，感到恐惧，缺少承担风险的信心和勇气，停滞不前。我去拜访了一个已经15年没有见过的大学的朋友。她已婚，育有两个孩子，是个家庭主妇。但是之前的十年，她非常成功，在一个大都市的青少年司法系统里做律师，如今住在郊区。她患有多发性硬化症（MS），疾病已经开始影响到她的生活。我记忆中的她是个有能力、独立、特别聪明，美丽，又富有同情心的女人。她当时仍然浑身上下都充满了这样的特质，甚至更加明显了。
She was making me coffee one morning as I sat at the kitchen table. I was complaining, feeling frustrated, feeling badly about where I was in life and what I was doing or not doing. I said "I really, really need to get a job". She turned from the counter and said "why?" I said "Because I need to make money, I need to be doing something I feel good about, I need to..." and she stopped me, again. And said "You are enough just as you are."
一天早晨，我坐在餐桌旁，她为我做咖啡。我感到很沮丧，于是开始抱怨，为我的生活状态、我做的事情，和后悔没有做的事情感到难过。我说，“我真的，真的该找份工作。”她转过身来，问，“为什么？”我说，“因为我需要赚钱，我需要做一些让我自己感觉好点的事情，我需要……”她打断了我的谈话，说，“做你自己，就足够了。”
Sometimes we forget that we are human. It's enough just to be.
有时候我们忘记了我们只是个人。而做个人，就足够了。
Many of the women that were in my college class chose to stay-at-home and raise their families after a few years in the workplace; probably many more than would be the case in classes graduating over the past two decades. (One of my best high school friends who went to Dartmouth had, for a while, a successful career as a geologist, and now has a even more brilliant "career" as a compassionate and caring, community-minded human being).
很多我大学的女性同学，在职场工作了一些年之后，都选择呆在家里做家庭主妇，照顾家人；也许这个数目要远多于过去20年里真正想这样做的大学毕业生。我的一个高中同学，读了达特茅斯学院，然后从事地质工作，有了很成功的事业，现在投身到一份更棒的“事业”里，成了一个有同情心的，善良的，有社区意识的人。
Many of us, men and women, didn't have or weren't able to follow the path we thought we'd follow when we graduated. Some had family demands; some got sick. Some developed addictions, or found themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some died.
我们中的很多人，男男女女，都没有，或者不能够从事我们毕业时想要从事的工作。有些是为家庭所累，有些被病患所困。有些成了瘾君子，或者发现自己在错误的时间，在错误的地方。还有一些已经离世了。
Whether you are an "utter failure" or not is a construct of your ego. Many of us are not the kinds of successful that's easy to see. Many of us who have enjoyed say, financial success, were extremely fortunate, but perhaps not so lucky in love, in family, or in doing what it was we thought we'd wanted to do with our lives. Many of us understand that no matter how hard you work or how brilliant you might be, you might miss being at the right place at the right time; and that luck has far more to do with "success" than you might imagine. There may be a few of us in that class who have achieved great things that won't ever be known or celebrated. There are those of us who have struggled with darkness who are very, very happy to simply still be here, and to be able to celebrate the beauty of the world around us. There are those of us whose best, most successful and most fruitful years are yet to come.
不管你是不是个“彻头彻尾的失败者”，都将成为我们自我的一部分。我们中的很多人，都不是世俗意义上的成功者。我们中的很多人，比如说，生活富有，或者非常有钱，但也许在感情上没有那么幸运，或者家庭不幸福，或者做的事情我们并不喜欢。我们都明白，不管你工作多努力，你多么优秀，你都有可能错失了一个机会，而那个机会能给你带来的的成功，远超你能想象。我们那一届的毕业生，也有几个人取得了很大的成功，但不会为人所知。有些人不得不为了生存而斗争，庆幸自己活了下来，生活在这个美好的世界里。也有一些人大器晚成，他们最好，最成功的、最富有成果的日子，还没有到来。
One member of my college class became a college professor. His name was http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randy_Pausch. He gave this inspirational lecture, "The Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams":
我们那一届有个同学成为了大学教授。他的名字是兰迪∙波许（译者注：Randolph Frederick "Randy" Pausch，1960 – 2008，卡内基梅隆大学计算机系教授。后因胰腺癌于2008年辞世。他在2007年9月18日做了题为：“真正实现你的童年梦想”的最后一课，富有启迪意义的演讲产生了巨大反响）。他曾经讲述了非常有启迪意义的《最后一课：实现你童年的梦想》。
He had a lot of good things to say about what it feels like to be human, and how to deal with failure and success and comparisons. He said: "If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time.” Randy also said: “Time is all you have and you may find one day that you have less than you think."
他讲述了很多很有意义的事情，比如作为人的感受，比如如何面对失败、成功和比较。他说：“如果我只给出三个字的建议，我会说‘（tell the truth）讲真话’。如果加三个字，我会说，‘（all the time）永远这样’。”兰迪说，“这是所有你能拥有的，而且有一天，也许你发现正是你缺少的。”
There's not enough time to spend it making comparisons.
我们没有很多时间，总是不停的比较。
I can't pretend to know much about Cervantes, or Kierkegaard. I think Randy Pausch lived in a freshman dorm across campus but I don't remember ever meeting him. I knew a few of the people in my class who have become super-stars in their fields; but I'd guess that most of them wouldn't remember me, maybe they would if I got famous for something-or-other. I know that I have considered myself an "utter failure" many times in the course of my life, and have on occasion disappointed those who expected me to perform differently; and I know that some people consider me to be a role model and a success. I am extraordinarily grateful for the experiences I had at my elite educational institution; and I am almost absurdly proud of being witness to what many of my college friends and acquaintances have achieved and continue to achieve, whether they are famous and successful-in-the-obvious-ways, or not.
兰迪当时应该住在校园里的新生宿舍，我没有遇到过他。我认识一些在各自的领域成为了超级明星的同学；但是我想他们的大多数不会记得我，也许我出了名，或者有别的成就，他们会记得我。我知道在我生活里，很多时候，我觉得自己就是个“彻头彻尾的失败者”，也有许多次，让那些对我寄予厚望的人失望；我也知道一些人把我作为偶像，一个成功者。我对于一所名牌大学给我的教育和经历感到很感恩；我也为目睹了那么多认识的校友朋友们用各种方式所取得的，和正在取得的成绩——不论他们是否有知名度。
I am very grateful that I had the opportunity to be part of that elite institution, and appreciate the lessons I learned and continue to learn from the people I met there. Our experience of being human is rich, unique, and utterly beyond comparison. And whether or not we think, at any point in time, that we are "utter failures" - there's always, hopefully, tomorrow, or better right now, to try to make it better, to meet our own expectations of ourselves, develop our own standards and measures of who we are, and to hold fast with integrity to our own personal, hard-won Truths. There's time to be happy, and grateful. I look to my college class and see example after example after example of amazing complex diverse human experience. It's awesome to be an "utter failure" in such astonishing good company.
我非常感激有机会在顶尖大学就读并感谢从那里的人身上学到的一切。作为个体的人，我们的经历都是丰富、独特的，是简单的比较所不能描述的。在任何时候，我们认为自己是个彻底的失败者的时候，总有明天，或者现在，来改变它，来实现我们对于自己的期望，建立我们自己的标准，来衡量我们自己，坚持诚实地面对现实。我们要快乐，要感恩。看看我的同学们，我可以找到一个又一个的例子，证明人生的经历是多么的丰富多彩。
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